How to help your Special Needs Child Make the Transition to Adulthood
Children with Autism, mental retardation, Downs Syndrome, any other special need, or none at all have one thing in common. Every child will get older and eventually reach adulthood. This can be a rather intimidating thought if you and your child have not prepared for this challenging time. Recently, a distraught mother called me in a panic. “I just talked to my school district, and they told me that my son will no longer receive public school funding after this school year. What am I supposed to do with an autistic man after his services stop?” she asked. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard this lament.
Public schools are required by law to provide transitional services starting at age 16 for students with an IEP. These services should include life skills training, such as cooking or making a bed, pre-vocational and vocational skills that should prepare a child to enter the world of work, and general skills and planning capabilities that lead to a life of self-determination. My experience has been that most schools have not even begun to think about this process beyond some sex education and consumer math.
Parents can be proactive about preparing for this critical time in their child’s life. It actually starts at about the preschool age when we teach our little ones to pick up their toys. As they enter Elementary School, doing several chores per week and being responsible for their personal space is not an unreasonable expectation. Many parents have told me that this is an unreasonable expectation for their child. I would argue that this is an essential expectation necessary for ego development. Have you ever gone to a party and had someone ask you, “What do you do?” This is an expression of who you are. Children also need ways to say who they are. When they have a repertoire of things they can do that have an end product, the “what I can do” question becomes the “who I am” statement. As your child moves into Middle School, they should be learning to cook simple meals, maybe even soup and sandwiches for Saturday lunch. Parents need to provide coaching, modeling and supervision, but, given the chance, even children who are severally disabled become enabled to do great things.
When your child reaches High School, they should be ready for more refined pre-vocational and vocational training. Frequently, this starts in the school store and expands to more complex technical skills and social encounters. It always amazes me how children with minimal language skills gain more language when challenged with new functional tasks and opportunities to increase their social communication skills. During the last three years of High School, actual work experiences in the community should be part of their routine three to five days per week. When your young adult graduates from school, he or she should already have a work resume and a portfolio of accomplishments under their arm and be prepared for a job interview. Sometimes ongoing supports may be needed, but in many cases the career training received in High School is sufficient to get a first job.
Other things that parents can do through the school years is to provide volunteer opportunities where your child can work side by side with you to help someone else, be actively involved with your child in Scouts or Church activities, and include your child in the preparations for family gatherings. These are all opportunities for social communication skills to develop as your child watches other people communicate with words, their bodies and emotions. Whenever possible, challenge your community to open the doors to activity with neuro-typical peers. Church youth groups are a great place to start and will be challenged to find ways to make their typical activities inclusive.
So here is your plan of action in a nut shell:
Start early. Make functional tasks in your home routine. They will be routines for life.
Look for places to be involved in your community together. Teach the value of giving to others early, and it, too, will become a life-long habit.
Get your school district on board as soon as possible. Parent support groups should make school districts aware of their intent to make transition programs a high priority.
No matter how old your child is, start today. Even if your child has only one more year of school, and has not started a transition program, you can negotiate with the school district to get a few more years of school because they didn’t follow the legal requirements to provide a free and appropriate education which includes a transition program.
